This leads me to the greatest thing that has happened to me in my mental health journey. Effexor. The NSRI that has transformed my outlook on life. I've been blessed with the affliction of depression and anxiety. It's something I had always considered 'part of my personality'. It had been an excuse to lay in bed and fret and worry and obsess.
The panic attacks became more frequent and I was running out of energy at a cheetah's pace. Nothing felt like it could be totally right and easy.
I tried exercise. Lost some weight and whatever. Stopped indulging too much and generally slowed down completely. But that still wasn't solving that nagging voice inside my head that was telling me I wasn't good enough, I'm not worthy of the love and support around me, the world would be better off without me and so on and so forth.
In comes a therapy stint and recommendation by my doc. I gave cipralex a try. Six weeks of no change. I actually lost my appetite completely and lost more weight. I then wound down from that to Effexor. Long process but at that point I had switched jobs.
Enter enterprise SJ.
I've been talking them up since I started. For me it was a switch into the non-profit atmosphere that helped me find my focus & passion. I live in a hard city to love. Now I was getting to meet the people who want to carve out a place for themselves and to ADD instead of subtract from the atmosphere of this place.
Back to authenticity. By some stroke of luck, I've been able to witness a stream of authentic, genuine and overall, forward-thinking stream of people. They want to defy the odds by opening up shop in NB. Getting to be part of their journey is just about one of the best privliges I could have asked for.
My own journey towards a better mental state I believe can be attributed to two things: my blessed luck to have a doctor that understood my struggles & to finding my purpose.
I want to be honest about my personal stuggles publicly because I know now that there is no reason to be ashamed. Speak out and ask for help. Be your authentic, beautiful and talented self.
I got to meet this filmmaker today who has such a vision for himself and the people he works with. I was clued into this perfect representation of life in SJ in my mind. Your weird SJ summer weather, your gorgeous rockwood park bbq with the whole crew, music, dancing, laughter. The whole gamut. I feel privliged that I get to feel this authentically beautiful vibe now.
Hope this rant finds you well, readers.